For the past few months, I have been very focused on surrendering. I’ve read books like, The Surrender Experiment and Outrageous Openness, and ALL of my coaches have been telling me it is what I need most - that I am doing enough, it is time to stop putting so much effort into everything and let go.
I get it logically, but to actually do it has been a real challenge. Even reading what I just wrote: “ I have been really focused on surrendering.” That doesn’t even make sense! (well maybe to my fellow perfectionist with slave driving inner critics)
Anyway, I’ve been feeling frustrated by not knowing how. I figure surrender shouldn’t be hard, but it hasn’t been coming easy, at all.
I even looked for a course on it or someone who could tell me the steps to take in order to surrender but no luck. That’s when I knew I was in trouble, lol.
But the other day something really big happened!
You see, I have heard a million times that we can float in water. But did you know that I never actually believed it? So much so that I never bothered trying. At least since I’ve been old enough to remember.
Anyway, now that I’m in Florida and I have a pool just a minute walk from my front door, I try to go swimming when I’m feeling disconnected or stressed.
And the other day after swimming a backstroke lap, I just stopped moving my arms and legs and HOLY SHIT…
I FLOATED! We CAN float, we DO float. People weren’t crazy, it is true.
WE FLOAT!
This may all seem silly, but it was responsible for a really big A-HA moment in regard to my recent struggle with surrender.
I questioned if the title of this entry “Everything changed when I learned I could float” could be a little exaggerated since it was only two weeks ago that it happened, but I am certain it will be a turning point because it is helping me see what surrender can feel like - Stillness, allowing yourself to be with no effort and being okay. Knowing that I am okay | safe | supported and I don’t have to do anything at all. Just Float. Just Surrender.
Today during my float, I thought, if the universe | God | or whatever you believe made our bodies so well equipped to allow us to float, maybe it is safe to assume that the same can go for our needs too. Maybe we only have to BE and our needs CAN be met. That may be pushing it a bit, but maybe not.
Since the profoundness of an epiphany can fade over time, this entry is to document it and to share it in case it is helpful for anyone like me.
So if you have a hard time:
Trusting you will be okay
Feeling supported
Feeling safe
Feeling free
Feeling like you can let go of control
I highly recommend finding somewhere to float ♡
My plan is to float a few times a week to really feel the feeling and explore the concepts so I can embody surrendering more and more. What can you do to support surrender and letting go?
And then I related it to something else.
As I learn more about somatic experiencing and study different processes to help the body process or release the trauma energy is can store in our cells, it has made sense that floating and surrendering are not comfortable ideas. Memories and experience can keep us stuck or pull us back once we’ve moved forward so…
→ To trust? Yeah, right!
→ To let go and be vulnerable? No, thank you.
→ To have faith I will be supported? Pppsshh. Not setting myself up for that disappointment, again.
Letting go can be hard for those of us who have trauma energy, PTSD, anxiety, co-dependency.
And just like everything else, it is a practice to learn how to experience life differently.
One of the practices I weave into my work, somatic experiencing, talks about survival resources, and support resources. Survival resources are the behaviors that have been practiced to keep you safe or to avoid the bad thing from happening. When we really examine them they aren’t usually healthy thought they may have been helpful at a time. But if the threat is no longer present the resource is worth releasing.
Support resources are nourishing healthy behaviors or activities that can take their place and the best part is that you get to choose them. I have definitely decided floating is one of mine.
If you would like to learn more about how to replace unhealthy survival resources (often reactions) with supportive practices that feel good and usually produce a much more positive outcome
CLICK HERE to access my workbook to get clear and intentional about these resources.
This will only be free for a limited time because it is an element of a course I am creating. So you are getting a sneak peek at the rough draft.