This is something I thought I had to come to terms with.
After years of failures, failed relationships, failed efforts in business, failing at managing my team, failing at being understood, failing at taking care of myself, failing at being happy, I thought I just needed to face the reality that:
I am a failure.
But don't worry, I'm okay. I have accepted reality a while ago. I want to share this reality in case the awareness awakens something good for you too. You see the reality is that:
Things I try fail.
Ideas I have fail.
Relationships I've been in have failed.
But I am not a failure.
Do I totally F stuff up? Yep!
Have a I tried things that have failed? MMhm.
Do I make mistakes? Pretty often, actually. Mostly small ones now-a-days, fortunately.
And I am not a failure.
There are even benefits to each time “I fail".
I actually get closer to who I am.
✓ I learn more about my skills or lack of.
✓ I learn about my commitment or lack of.
✓ I learn more about what I really want.
Because if after some idea or plan flops, if I want to find another way, I must be really passionate! I must really want this and I connect to myself on a deeper level.
If I have no interest in trying something different to reach the goal, I get to explore why:
Is it a bruised ego?
What need isn’t being met to keep me motivated?
What fear is coming up?
Or maybe I come to discover that I wasn't as into that goal or outcome as I originally thought.
And if that's the case, I’m probably better off that it "failed" before I was too invested.
So each time “I fail” I have an opportunity to get closer to my true self. And so do you.
Clearer and more aligned if we choose to.
And that is the biggest part - making the choice.
You can ask yourself “How do I choose to see this? Am I a failure? Or did something I tried failed?”
If this is something that you would like to bring into your experience, here is a suggestion…
Imagine how you would speak to a child who’s effort failed.
Would you call them a failure?
Would you try to keep their spirits up?
Would you let them to know it is normal for things not to go the way we hope sometimes?
What would you do to help them better prepare for next time?
Maybe you’d ask some questions to help them learn from it, like:
Did you give it your all?
How do you feel about that?
What went right?
What did you learn?
Do you want to try again? Why?
What will you do differently next time?
How can I help?
Approaching yourself as you would a child, much gentler, compassionate and encouraging can change the way you see yourself after a failed effort. And then looking deep to see what else you can learn about yourself in the process and how to turn failure into self-discovery.
I hope you enjoy this perspective on being a failure vs. failing at things. And I want to thank you for all the ways you have put yourself out there, risking “failure”.