Death teaches us all we need to know about living and many of us are too busy and self-centered to listen.
First, I am sorry for any loss that you have experienced in your life.
I hope you have/had support and that you found or are finding your way through grief.
Grieving isn’t a straight line and there aren’t set steps to take in a specific order, but it is certainly a process and certain things can make the process feel more “complete”.
I hope memories are more sweet than painful and you can experience them with love and gratitude.
For a long time as much as I wanted to understand what someone was going through when they lost a loved one I can say that I really didn’t get it, until now.
My heart ached and I cried for/with them, I wanted to hug them and take the sad away, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t relate enough to really know what to do.
Like, how I avoided talking about my brother with my parents after he passed. I would avoid talking about him for fear of making them sad. And I think I let myself feel so sad for my parents that I rarely thought about how sad I was. Maybe it was my way of avoiding grieving him.
And only now, I understand, avoiding talking about my brother wasn’t stopping my parents from being sad. They were already sad AND I wasn’t giving them a chance to talk about it or to talk about him.
Just like my dad is now in mine, I’m sure my brother has been in their thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I lost my father last month and now I have a more intimate understanding of what it has been like for all those who have lost before me.
I remember after an employee of mine lost her mother she said how there were days that she just wanted to walk up to people to tell them that her mom died. She just wanted people to know. I totally get it, now.
The week that my dad died, I wanted to go to our local dinner spots, to have our favorites, and to tell the people who worked there that he passed. I think I wanted company, compassion but more importantly, I wanted to hear people express what a great guy he was. I wanted to hear that other people would notice he was gone. I wanted to know that his life made a difference in this world and that he mattered.
All the stupid shit that we think matters: the bills, the things, the jobs, the arguments won or the arguments lost - That isn’t the stuff that matters at all, is it? That stupid shit takes us away from everything that DOES matter though.
What do I think really matters?
Connection: Connect to things outside of yourself. Connect to kindness, connect to nature, connect to animals, connect to all the things in the world that you can, and know that we are all connected.
Enjoying Living (every part of it): Getting out of your own way. Stop trying to “figure it out” with your ego. Savoring the experiences life offers you, enjoy the moments in between the "important” moments. Enjoying the whole journey.
Making An Impact: Being present. As we are ALL in this together, when you set your intention to contribute in the form of thoughts, words, and actions. Laying under the stars, realizing how small we are and how big we are at the same time, and then doing something about it.
I had a big awareness while I was sitting by my father’s side, a few days before he passed. I realized all of my opinions, my human self-centeredness, my pre-occupation with the stressful stuff about life, were actually blocks to how much love I was able to give (and in turn able to receive and experience for myself). While I was so busy being “right” about things, it took my attention away from being present.
It breaks my heart to think of all of the moments I have lost because I wasn’t present and I was too busy in my own head, my own world, to love him fully, patiently, and compassionately.
For that, I have so much remorse -
I’ve almost gone through half a box of tissues while writing this.
I was so wrapped up in the stupid shit that means absolutely NOTHING in the big picture that my father didn’t get all the love I wish I had shared with him. And I have to live with that.
All I can do now is to be sure that when I am unfortunately in the same position, losing someone else I care so deeply about, that I won’t have the same kinds of regrets. That I will continue to work on being present and compassionate.
I share this because my biggest wish and my intention of sharing all of this with you is to invite you to pause and reflect on if you feel you would have these same types of regrets I am dealing with if you lost someone close to you. If so, now you can reprioritize things while you still have the chance.
With the tools I have acquired over the years and now my first-hand experience, I am here to offer support. Let me know what kind you could use. I’d love to help enhance your experience in this life.
♡Heather