Parts of you have a purpose.

I just had an awesome Parts Therapy Session. Parts Therapy (aka Voice Dialog) is a process where we speak to different aspects of yourself (ie. The critic, the lazy part, the overeating part, the part that pushes you to achieve). In the process, we learn its purpose, how it serves you and how it can refine its role to work better than it has in the past.

It may sound weird and it is in all the right ways - it's fun, it provides amazing insights, and awareness AND it can also create some of the most rapid transformations and shifts you can experience.

I was trading with another practitioner so I provided a session for her first. We have been addressing her desire to increase her interest in sex with belief clearing and parts work.

During this process, we invited her "Resistant" part to speak with me. It wasn't sure what it was trying to do with her, why it made her resistant to sex except for fear of pregnancy, but it realized that hadn't been a risk for quite a few years now. It actually said wanted to be destroyed and then decided it would just change roles.

What was surprising was that the new role that came up was a military officer. When I asked what it represented it said it was the "Director". It was going to take charge. To myself, I wondered if the energy was that of a dominatrix 💋 So I'll be waiting for an update of what shifts for her.

And then I received my session. We addressed the part of me who wants to fix it everything and help others not feel the pain of their mistakes. The part referred to itself as, "I'm the only one who can fix it."

We figured this part was created when I was very young. It only knew to be nice, be kind, be considerate, don't hurt others. Its memories were of me as a child.

It hadn't grown up from that point to learn what boundaries are and it didn't understand that even if someone hurts me and is sorry, it is okay for me to walk away and leave them to deal with their own hurt, remorse or whatever they need to deal with. It felt it/I had to stay no matter what to stop others from feeling pain from their mistakes.

This part heard people talking about co-dependency and heard that I may now suffer from it. It knew its influence may have caused it but it was confused. Co-dependency was too grown-up a concept for it to understand what to do about it.

Later, this part identified itself as 6 years old. Which makes perfect sense. That far back, parents were teaching their kids to be kind, have good manners and be polite. Only recently is it also being considered how kids comfort and boundaries need to be respected too. Ie. When a child doesn't want to give someone a hug or kiss goodbye and they are told they are mean, rude or hurting that persons feelings. Often kids are pushed to go give the hug or kiss anyway.

Through the process my part wanted to be kind and help people but now it sees how it was hurting me. So it wants to learn how to have all of those positive qualities, while also helping me to hold my boundaries and not feel guilty to do what I need to do when something isn't good for me, even if that means someone may end up sad.

What was interesting is that It had no idea how to do that so it thought a good idea would be to go observe other parts. Ones who may be more evolved in these matters. It also thought it should read books about boundaries and co-dependency (kids versions, of course).

I am always excited to see what change occurs from these sessions. One session, from that past, was talking to my Logical Mind Part to help understand why I feel so rushed to get to the end of everything -why I rushed through things.

It turned out my logical mind was so chill, calm and composed that just getting to meet it and hear its perspective changed the way I speak. Seriously..

In the past, I was often told to slow down, that I spoke too fast or rush too much, and the progress I have made is astounding. Now more often than not, I am complimented for the pace I keep during sessions and meditations.

If this sounds as fascinating to you as it is to me, let's set up a session.

Can YOU Feel It?

Living with the residual impact of trauma sucks and the beginning stages of healing can be just as brutal.

When it comes to learning how to process emotions, Body Talk, Body Wisdom, Body Awareness and exercises of the sort can be a trauma survivors' biggest challenge | frustration and I am here to tell you why that is normal AND that there is hope.

Traumatized people tend to disconnect from the body by numbing bodily experience because things are either happening too intensely, to quickly or they do not have the resources to handle it. So it is no surprise we may find exercises asking us to feel sensations and stay aware of the body to be difficult. They are asking us to fully experience the body and sensations the thoughts are creating.

During these times the sympathetic nervous systems get activated – our fight/flight/freeze response and we try to change what is happening. If a resolution is not found, the sympathetic arousal cannot be soothed or discharged and it becomes overloaded Our body's survival response is to adapt by shutting down.

The high nervous system arousal due to trauma and unprocessed experience make it challenging to hold a state of awareness, presence of our body and even mindful meditation. I’m going to share my experience to provide an example of what this may look like and then suggestions of how to work through the difficulty so you can begin to benefit from these fabulous practices.

At the beginning of working with some of the modalities I mentioned above, nothing happened for me. At that time, I questioned the validity of the methods. Sometimes when I would work with Body Wisdom, I could locate sensation in my body, intensely and in a matter of seconds – nothing. Like a faucet being shut off. It was really frustrating especially because I am okay with the icky part of healing and I wasn’t afraid to go through it, it just wouldn’t happen. But I guess I had numbed so much my body had to learn how to feel again, how to be with whatever it was experiencing.

And for some reason, I kept working with these methods. And on the rarest occasions, one would work… a little. And then a little more and a little more. After some time, I realized it is a lot like a meditation practice. You wouldn’t expect to be able and sit in meditation for 3 hours if you have never meditated before. You would start out with smaller sessions, maybe 5 minutes and add on as it became easier.

So, this is my suggestion for you.

If you find these "be in your body and feel what you are feeling" type processes don’t work, keep practicing. Don’t get frustrated and think you are broken or that the process isn't effective. Give it time, be patient and gentle with yourself.

I’ll compare this to a terrified, traumatized puppy dropped off at a shelter. It’s not likely it is going to run over to start to play the moment it arrives. It might sit shaking in the corner and after time start to sniff what is closest to it. Then after hours, days or weeks, of hearing the same voices, sounds, not being forced to do anything that scares it - once it feels it is safe it may start to make its way over to you.

Your traumatized mind and body may need that same time, consistency and patience. Keep going.

The work may not always feel great, sometimes it may feel like it isn’t working, but the subtle shifts will start to accumulate, and you will notice the positive impact of your commitment to your healing ♡

Do you have any questions?
Would you like to share your experience or talk about how to begin the work?
Let's schedule a time to chat.

🐝 YAY! SWEET! THAT DOESN'T STING ANYMORE! 🐝

Someone very dear to me has said something pretty awful over the past few months:

"YOU ARE A LIFE COACH AND YOU CAN'T EVEN COACH YOURSELF!"

I know they didn't/don't actually mean it. I'm sure it is a reflection of their stuff that makes them subconsiously want me to question myself and not feel good enough.

I often rebutted with "Yeah, maybe I'm not, but I am damn good at helping my clients get where they want to be and that's what matters!"

I believe in what I could do for others, whole heartedly, and unfortunately I did question myself: Could I really be all that good if I wasn't experiencing the feelings I desired and I wasn't creating the life I deserved? How much more could I help people if I was in a better place and how can I expect them to take the risk to change if I was stuck in my own stuff?

For those of you who know me know, I LOVE inquiry and LOVE to challenge emotions and thoughts, so often tried to let this insult feel more like a challenge and not fully experience how hurtful the statement may have been intended to be. Especially, since it was coming from someone I care deeply for.

Well, for some reason, I heard their voice in my head today and as I started to let questions swirl around in my head, I quickly brought myself back to the present moment to investigate the facts and mistruths about this statement.

My awareness zoomed right back to where I was in that moment. Which was sitting by the pool after taking a swim, enjoying my mid day break, before teaching my third yoga class of the day.

So yeah, let's revisit that statement.

I CAN'T COACH MYSELF? 😂

Now, I invite you to think about this:

It is human nature to fear change or the unknown and most people do best when they get clear on their goals and desires, while someone is holding them accountable and supporting them as they move through their transformation.

I recently read this:

"Mentors help new people in a field grow into it, learn, and become experts themselves, and there is lots of research that supports this.”

John Crosby called mentoring “a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.”

Mentors see the strength and talent in you, listen to your hopes and dreams, and help you reach your full potential.

Good ones also tell you when your plans are totally unrealistic and you need a bit of a check to that ambition. In short, good mentors foster sustainable, healthy growth. So, we all need them, right? And we should go out and get them!

“I encourage all of you to seek out teachers and mentors that challenge you to think for yourself and guide you to find your own voice” — Renee Olsted

And this is a step by step of how someone can help support you to achieve your goals: https://bit.ly/33ur13W

And now I would like to offer you an option. If I am as vulnerable a human as the rest of you - with fear of change, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone and almost non existent boundaries and without having hired my own coach for this situation, I got where I am today (thanks to the tools of my trade/my training) …

Do you think it would be helpful to talk about how I can help support you so you can have a post like mine some day soon?

When would now be a good time to really start loving life and enjoying all that it has to offer?

November is just around the corner, which means I have two spots opening up for my Emotional Freedom Program. Click through to submit your application now: https://bit.ly/2osC1Qt

I'll start getting your poolside, lounge chair ready 😉