3 Keys To Boosting Your Confidence

I've been coaching for years now, and one of the things I've learned - both for me and for my clients - is that confidence is HUGE.

There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior, and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there.

That foundation is the real you, the you that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes confidence to find that and to bring out who you are – here are the three keys to real inner confidence.

1. Get To Know Your Values

Personal values are a big passion of mine and I can get carried away when I talk about them. I  think it is important since I don’t think they are discussed as much as they should be.  They’re one of the most important things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting genuine inner confidence and guidance. 

Your values are so deep down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations, and cornerstones for you. A value is something in yourself, in others, or in the world that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement, or freedom. And when you are not living by them, anxiety and depression can kick in.

Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, demotivated, or deflated? Often it’s because one or more of your values are being challenged, denied, suppressed, or repressed – and we experience that as a negative experience because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. 

You know those times when you’ve felt really alive, amazing, or inspired? Those are often the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.

Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away AND no one but you should decide what they are. 

Once you are clear on them you can have absolute confidence you will live a fulfilled life when you honor them in every choice you make. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are to live in the real world.

2. Exercise the Muscle

Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle, you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes?

By doing exercises that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.

It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. 

You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.

To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. 

You may want to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do, and who you are.

The more open you are to risk, opportunity, and possibility the more confident you need to be, and so the more confidence you’ll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is, what are you going to do to exercise it?"

3. Keep Your Word

This one is one of the most effective ways to increase your confidence.  This means doing what you say and saying what you mean, not just with others but for yourself too.  Keeping your word enhances trust and trust in yourself and is a solid way to increase your confidence.  

This may sound simple and it can prove to be very challenging. 

How many times have you said, I’ll put that laundry away this morning, which changes to tonight which bleeds over to tomorrow? 

These little lies we tell ourselves stop the ability to believe what we say and trust is compromised.  This can also trigger the inner critic, who definitely does a number on one’s confidence.  Give it less reason to speak up.  Keep your word to yourself and others and see how your self-opinion improves ♡

Which of these three feels most relevant for you? I’d love to hear.

Stop wishing your life away!

It's time to stop wishing your life away!

It's time for you to start living!

As a coach with years of experience in the field of personal development, subconscious beliefs, and spirituality, my goal is to help people reach their goals and enhance their relationships so they can live an abundant life full of meaning and purpose.

So they can enjoy the tasks they have in their business, hold boundaries without feeling like a jerk, and getting what they want without feeling like no one will think they actually deserve it.

My approach will be different than what most coaches offer because I'll work with your subconscious mind instead of just giving advice or telling you what to do next (though I'm really good at that too, lol).

That means we'll find out where anxiety, procrastination, crabbiness, or perfectionism comes from at its root level deep inside your mind, which will then allow me to heal it quickly using powerful techniques that have been proven effective over decades of research.

You have been on a long journey to get where you are now.

You have accomplished so much, and you deserve to feel amazing about your life!

In order for that to happen, it is essential that you work on yourself. No matter where you are in your life right now, working with a coach will help take away the anxiety and stress of trying to do it alone.

I am here for this reason: To enhance your life by helping with inner work - because whatever is going on inside is what we will experience on the outside!

We have all been conditioned to live from our head, for survival and not our heart for joy. This is limiting us tremendously in so many ways!

When will it finally be time to stop wishing your life away?

It's time for you to start living!

To REALLY start living, you need to focus is on the unseen - those things that are not seen with our physical eyes but which guide us in all of our decisions and actions every day.

First, you need to get clear about what you want out of life. And maybe you have done that already - Whether it's more money, deep connection, and relationships, mastery of your purpose, adventure, etc.

Next, the obstacles that could get in the way need to be addressed or the goal will never be achieved. Those obstacles are limiting beliefs. Our subconscious mind has created beliefs that will determine your action (or lack of).

While it is extremely important to focus on the things that you really want out of life, it will get you nowhere if you don't clear away the beliefs that hold you back: The ones like "I'm not good enough" or "Nobody loves me."

Whatever goal you have in mind for yourself, your subconscious mind needs to be aligned with it or it will NEVER happen. Based on pure survival - instinct, if the subconscious mind hasn't seen you do whatever it is before, it is not going to think it is a good idea. And it will put up as many roads blocks as it needs to to get you to give up.

Have you experienced that before? Working so hard for something and either all of the sudden losing hope, interest, or motivation?

It doesn't need to be that way.

Let's get your subconscious mind and beliefs aligned with what you desire so you can have it all.

If you are ready, I'm here for you.

Connecting With Your Higher Self

When you want to listen to a particular radio station, you tune your radio to that station, tuning in to a particular frequency. Same when you want to watch a particular show on TV. It is the frequency you tune into that determines what you hear and what you see.

Our brains operate in very much the same way, except that we have two stations we are aware of that we can tune into - the ego station and the higher-self station. 

The ego station is the station that originates in the programmed mind, which ironically contains all our subconscious limiting beliefs that create our fears.

The ego station consists of our wounded self, our false self - the protected self we learned to be as we were growing up and needed to find ways to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe.

Our ego wounded self is a closed circuit - it operates on old information that we acquired as we were growing up, information that is no longer relevant or even true. It is not open to new information. It is not open to truth.

The higher-self station is the station that taps into the unlimited information from the universe - information that is beyond the programmed mind. The higher-self station taps into the Source of truth that is always here to guide us in our highest good.  It taps into the collective consciousness and all the wisdom of the universe.

How do you tune your frequency to your higher-self station?

We have all been given a "dial" that either tunes us to the low frequency of our ego station, or to the high frequency of our higher-self station. This dial is our INTENT.

One might consider that we have two intents to choose from: 

1. The intent to get love and avoid pain with some form of controlling behavior

2. The intent to learn about loving ourselves and others

The intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain lowers our frequency and keeps us stuck in our limited mind - our ego-mind.

When we choose this intent/frequency, we are stuck thinking the thoughts - the lies - and taking the unloving actions that create fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, stress, anger, jealousy, resentment, and so on.

The ego frequency is the frequency of a victim or poorly resourced or supported individual. We are in this frequency when we needt to have control over getting love and avoiding pain.

When well resourced and emotionally healthy, at any moment, we can change our minds and choose the intent to learn - about what is in our highest good and the highest of all.

We can choose to learn about our ego-mind rather than stay stuck in it.

The moment we choose the intent to learn about love, we raise our frequency and are able to access the higher-self station. 

This is like moving out of the limitations of our personal computer and into the Internet - only better. While some of the information on the Internet is true and some is not, all of the information we receive from the higher-self station is true - it comes from the Source of Truth.

The only thing that stops us from choosing the higher-self station is our addiction to control often due to fear of not being safe.

The ego-mind wants control over our feelings, over others' feelings and actions, and over the outcome of things.

When your desire or need for feeling in control is greater than your resourced self or desire to be loving to yourself and others, and greater than your desire to live in truth, you will remain stuck in the ego station.

The ego station tells us that we can have control over things that we actually have no control over - others and outcomes. While we can have some control over our feelings with various addictions, this only leads to greater unhappiness.

Our feelings are an inner guidance system, letting us know when we are on track or off track in our thinking and behavior, so suppressing them with addictions only leads to more pain.

You will discover great joy when you choose the intent to learn how to tune into your higher-self station. If you’d like to see what support doing that looks like, I’m here.